Vampires Suck (Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter) : Movie Review

Vampires Suck is the latest cinematic wet fart from the people who extruded such anti-classics such as Epic Movie, Date Movie, the Scary Movie movies and the unwatchable – even by their standards – Disaster Movie.

Yet, Vampires Sucks has one teeny-tiny advantage over its predecessors : it is only really making fun of one film, Twilight.

It’s a ploy which seems to have worked to its advantage at the box office, as endless hordes of Twilight fans have flocked to see their One True God being ham-fistedly mocked, but it also helps the film itself (a little).

By only having one target to mock, writer / directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer can stick close to the original film’s story, which means this movie actually HAS a story, which automatically makes it better than the slop pile that was Epic Movie.

Don’t get too excited though, this is still basically unwatchable by human standards, consisting as it does of a mess of swipes at Twilight, crap and outdated pop culture references (a Buffy the Vampire Slayer joke? Seriously?) and gags left over from 1940s Warner Brothers cartoons (a hungry character sees someone’s head turn into a giant hamburger).

The spray of jokes does mean that occasionally one does hit it’s target, but they are usually the ones that simply point out some obvious fact about the Twilight franchise :

“What, you mean that a vampire who won’t have sex with you is a safe fantasy object for teenage girls?” Uh, duh!

In theory, if you are a totally crazed Twilight fan who has to see / own every single thing to do with the franchise, you could maybe justify seeing this. Maybe.

For everyone else… No!

WATCH OUT FOR | RATING : 0.5 out of 5