Piranha 3D (Elisabeth Shue, Adam Scott) : Movie Review

Part of the fun of watching a trashy movie like Piranha 3D [See it's appeal for an Oscar Award here] is seeing the strange bits that creep in around the edges.

It’s not quite subtext – more the tiny odd moments that a director going off the reservation will stick in just because they can, and they can because unlike more mainstream, processed films, no-one cares what happens in a trashy movie so long as there is plenty of blood, violence and sex.

Which is why, for all the fun of Piranha 3D, it’s also a little disappointing.

Piranha 3D is a trashy film that’s been so thoroughly processed that there is no room for anything on screen but blood, violence, and toplessness.

What more does a movie need, you might think, and you’re kind of right because for long stretches – especially during the insanely bloody climax – this does achieve some kind of zen mastery when it comes to pulling off peoples faces. But every time there isn’t a topless woman or killer fish or person literally falling apart on screen this film grinds to a halt.

Yes, it’s about piranhas, but it acts like a shark : when it stops moving forward, it dies.

On the upside, the plot is so streamlined (an earthquake releases ancient super-piranhas into a lake where spring break is in progress : everyone dies) that when it does get into gear there are dozens of classic moments involving people getting chewed to death, and if nothing else you’ll certianly leave the cinema with a load of “remember when…” moments.

Whatever Piranha 3D’s flaws – bad acting, occasionally ropey 3D, CGI gore that almost never feels real, really bad acting – a film this single minded has to be saluted for sticking to its guns.

Even if those guns involve showing an audience that the two things killer fish won’t swallow are breast implants and Jerry O’Connell’s severed penis.

WATCH OUT FOR | RATING : 3.5 / 5