New Moon – The Twilight Saga : Movie Review
November 19, 2009 by Sean Lynch
Filed under Featured, Movie Reviews, Movies
The wait for the second installment of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight Saga is over, with New Moon hitting screens, blasting box office records and making and entire species of women moist in unison.
New Moon kicks off with Bella Swan (Kristen “I’m not sure if I’m squinting because I’ve just eaten a lemon or a gerbil has found refuge in my anus” Stewart) devastated by the abrupt departure of her vampire love, Edward Cullen (Robert “I can impregnate you with only my eyes” Pattinson) but her spirit is rekindled by her growing friendship with the irresistible Jacob Black (Taylor “If I wear a shirt the producers will fire me” Lautner).
Suddenly she finds herself drawn into the world of the werewolves, ancestral enemies of the vampires, and finds her loyalties tested.
Bella Goes For The "Hairy Gent"
WHAT’S THE BUZZ
So let’s get the answers you are all waiting for out of the way: Yes. No. Yes. Yes. No. Kind Of. Yes. Yes. Of course he is, what do you expect, the guy is literally an animal. And no.
Well, aren’t we all glad now that that’s cleared that up…
Now I’m the first to admit that Twilight just isn’t for me . I am still amazed by the reaction it receives, it’s almost as if people (arguably, most of them with vaginas or membership passes to IQ) are watching a completely different set of flicks than I am. This movie is terrible on a grand scale, and it still blows my mind as to how it has won over the world.
So, the insights that follow here are from die hard Twilight fans themselves, those who lined up for the midnight screenings, those who understand it, who see it through their eyes – minds clouded by the walking dead unable to “root”.
Ok, so here is the real buzz, Twilight fan buzz: The good news is that New Moon is relatively close to the book, well, at least much closer than Twilight was. Thankfully (for those of us who go to see movies for more than buff bods) the performances are a hell of a lot better this time around too.
Kristen Stewart casts aside the “blinking and stuttering” of Twilight, Robert Pattison kicks it up a gear giving Edward an almost James Dean-esque appeal (losing the wide-eyed insanity of Twilight, to the point where it almost seems as if he is asleep half of the time – he is that laid back). The same goes with Taylor Lautner who is bigger, older, funnier and really stamps himself as a real potential star.
Yep, it seems the ham of the original has been replaced with real meat. New Moon is no where near as cheesy as the first either (if you don’t count those “lovey dovey” scenes with Bella and Edward), except one particular sequence towards the end of the flick in which they show Alice’s vision of Bella’s future as a vampire – very wanky, very “Neighbours death”. Just terrible.
Good news for boys is the that there is a hell of a lot more action – and really good action as well – with a new style of fast paced fighting which keeps it more “vampire” than “vam-poofter”.
Even just the more subtle action moments – like when Alice jumps over a railing very, very easily or the way that Jacob half-climbs a tree or half-walks up a wall into Bella’s 2nd floor bedroom….. it all contributes to giving New Moon some much needed cred.
The final battle at the end of the flick, however, is nothing short of astonishing – and it may very well be what tips New Moon into “Boy Movie” territory.
Of course, the flick had more money to play with this time around (even the opening title graphics look awsomesauce) and from the get-go, you really get the feeling that you are actually watching a blockbuster movie rather than some indie flick.
New Moon also delivers a great deal more laughs this time around, which is very much welcome, as Twilight was void of any human emotion whatsoever.
WATCH OUT FOR…
For gals, it simply won’t get any better than seeing the change in Jacob when that shirt of his goes missing for the first (of what proves to be many) time. From that first moment the topless Jacob appears on screen, you can guarantee ladies, jaws will drop and cinema managers will be calling for a mop, bucket and a “Clean up in Aisle 3″.
WATCH OUT FOR | “GIRLS”RATING : 4 / 5
WATCH OUT FOR | “EMOTIONALLY STABLE AND CINEMATICALLY OBJECTIVE”RATING : 2 / 5
On Twilight, if he doesn’t have any blood how does he use his manly treasures?? THAT IT IS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW!
hey! Good review!! I am so glad you guys enjoyed it! Others are giving it a thrashing… I loved it too, but I think Aro could have been scarier and the rome bit not as rushed… but i still loved it… and will go again with my sister asap! i hope “eclipse” is out soon!
never fear willamena, the wait for The Twilight Saga: Eclipse isn’t too far away, with the American release less than a year away – 30 June 2010 – and expect the aussie release to be almost identical