Break Up Songs Based On The Five Stages of Grief : In The Spotlight
February 2, 2010 by Lisa Dib
Filed under Comedy, In The Spotlight, WOF Exclusives
Your heart sinks; it now rests somewhere near your lower intestine. A hot wave of anxiety and deep self-loathing engulfs you. You attempt to stammer out a semblance of a sentence, but all that comes out is a series of sighs and sputters. You’ve been dropped like a slippery steak and there’s nought you can do about it.
How Do You Deal With Break Ups?
But never fear; we can make you better, we have the technology. In times of heartache, one usually passes through the five stages of grief- sometimes simultaneously. We have prepared for this day; allow Watch Out For | Comedy to heal them hurtin’ hearts.
DENIAL
End of the Road – Boyz II Men
“Although we’ve come to the end of the road, still I can’t let you go” croon the young harmonisers of Boyz II Men, filling you with soulful R’n’B balladry. This was the soundtrack to break ups between 1992 and 1993, especially for those of the high-school age demographic.
Many teenage splits were sound tracked by a handful of overtly earnest slow jams that perpetuated such romantic clichés as “we belong together” and “love you ‘till forever”. Which are, of course, entirely realistic options at fifteen.
Say It Isn’t So – Hall and Oates
If the Eighties could be physically manifested into a human form (or, two, as it were), to be used as a visual representation of an entire era, it would look like Hall and Oates. But the musically duelling duo weren’t always cheerful beyond measure; yes, heartache can even happen to the best hair of 1980. Misters Hall and Oates get super synthy and totally angsty on this ultimate eighties don’t-let-go number.
Stay – Oingo Boingo
Danny Elfman- he of Simpsons theme and Tim Burton film scoring fame- was once the only-slightly creepy front man of eighties new wave band Oingo Boingo (hideously underrated, I might add). You will probably know them for Weird Science but their discography is far greater; Stay is the ballad that every eighties band wished they had done right, but never did.
ANGER
Cold as Ice – Foreigner
Those now iconic ringing keys signal the beginning of one of the ultimate ‘Eff off and die, ho’ tracks that still remain ever present and forever comforting. The Cringeworthy eighties produced some brilliant break-up tracks, especially as far as a drunken singalong goes. This one rates high in that department; “You’re as cold as ice….willing to saaaaaacrifice….”
Song for the Dumped – Ben Folds
Trust Ben Folds, lovely Ben, to keep it simple, stupid. Song for the Dumped is just that, and not much else: “Wish I hadn’t bought you dinner right before you dumped me on your front porch/ Give me my money back/ Give me my money back/ You bitch”. Good background music for the necessary drunk dialling and Facebook stalking.
BARGAINING
Out Here in the Cold – Gotye
The mesmeric Wally DeBacker pleads, as well as are prone to do; “Darlin’ don’t leave me out here in the cold/ I’m begging you baby, don’t leave me out here on my own/ I’ll die if you don’t hold me tight/ Tonight, I couldn’t make it outside if I tried/ So please let me in lover, be kind” and one is immediately overcome by his pained sentiment and beautiful, lithe vocals. You’ll cry.
Work – Jimmy Eat World
This was actually the headlining track on the crash-and-burn festival line-up that was a 2005 break-up. The gory details are uninteresting at best, but sufficed to say, I was the mopiest mope that ever moped for a little sad while. This track encapsulates what many teenage relationships hope to achieve; pissing off into the sunset with your forever love.
“Can we take a ride? Get out of this place while we still have time” wails Jimmy Eat World singer Jim Adkins, and pain is an unfortunate, mandatory result.
Please Don’t Leave Me – Pink
Though I have never agreed with a particular Herald Sun music reviewer that referred to Pink as the “female Johnny Cash” (not that I have a music boner for Cash or anything, but ‘double-you-tee-eff’?), I still rank her far above her flimsier pop-rock counterparts.
Please Don’t Leave Me was a natural for this sector of the list; the ultimate plea. We’ve all said it. The sentiment “Can’t you tell that this is all just a contest? The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest” is also familiar (perhaps not literally) to those of us who have had unhealthy, inescapable relationships….but not me, of course….
DEPRESSION
One for my Baby (One More for the Road) – Frank Sinatra
This was almost too easy. Throw a stone in a record store and you’ll find a heartbreak (don’t literally, I don’t wanna cause a ruckus because you have issues with Depeche Mode) and this Frank Sinatra classic is bang on.
“It’s quarter to three/ There’s no one in the place except you and me/ So set ‘em’ up, Joe/ I got a little story you oughta know” croons the legendary voice-man as we sink into the incredibly depressing “drown your sorrows” stage. Don’t stay there too long, it’s pretty bleak.
Love is a Losing Game – Amy Winehouse
“Played out by the band/ Love is a losing hand” moans the Winehouse. We are loathe to feel pity for the crack fox Winehouse is, but you can’t help but feel a tingle of remorse when she sings (and she is a great vocalist, for all of her debauchery and wasting) such sweet, bygone tuneage.
Ex-Factor – Lauryn Hill
Another ballad on the soundtrack to the great split of ‘05. I had actually made a compilation CD by this point, and it just had a big sad face on it in Sharpie. I found these soul crooners endlessly affecting, especially when Hill wails “Tell me who I have to be, to get some reciprocity/ No-one loves you more than me/ And no-one ever will” and the clincher, which usually sent me into a flurry of hot, boundless tears; “As painful as this thing has been/ I just can’t be with no-one else/ See I know what we’ve got to do/ You let go and I’ll let go, too”
Forgive Me Love/ Your House – Alanis Morissette
This a capella hidden track from Morissette’s 1995 classic album, Jagged Little Pill, is deeply heart-rending; songs that feature only the vocals of an artist must be, for they cannot be backed up with emotive string sections or sad, marauding basslines. Morissette renders the story of betrayal and infidelity with hugely heartfelt, soaring notes and melancholy ‘till Tuesday.
ACCEPTANCE
The Blower’s Daughter – Damien Rice
“And so it is” begins Damien Rice’s incredibly poignant track (that you might remember from the opening and closing of the film Closer) and so must you: And. So. It. Is.
Say it to yourself: you cannot change what has happened. One must move on, or be trapped in limbo. The sad songs will make way for Queen car karaoke and shambles eighties-pop playlists, I promise.
No More I Love Yous – Annie Lennox
A simple effigy, a worthwhile notion. Now you’re getting it; “No more I love yous/ The language is leaving me”
That’s Life – Frank Sinatra
Trust Frankie to be able to scale the emotional spectrum from sad drunk to arse-kicking Chairman: “That’s life/ I tell ya, I can’t deny it/ I thought of quittin’, baby/ But my heart just ain’t gonna buy it”
